This is a community based support group of peers. It is not a therapy group and the meeting facilitators do not serve in the capacity of professionally trained therapists. See Disclaimer at end of this handout.
ASCA members commit to working cooperatively and empathetically with each other. ASCA meetings are not intended to be psychotherapy or to substitute for consultation with a licensed health or mental health professional. You may also find it helpful to download or purchase THE MORRIS CENTER's "Survivor to Thriver" manual to assist you with the ASCA program.
Newcomers to ASCA Santa Clarita meetings:
Please download and read the following documents before attending our virtual ASCA meetings:
- Welcome to ASCA virtual meetings http://tinyurl.com/ASCWelc
- Educational Moment on shares and supportive feedback http://tinyurl.com/educmom
Please log in 15 mins early at 6:15pm PDT for orientation. If you are not able to do so, please RSVP for the next meeting when you are able to.
Meeting Guidelines:
To ensure cooperation and safety in our meeting, we observe the following guidelines:
- Please arrive on time and remain until the conclusion of the meeting.
- ASCA meetings are exclusively for survivors of neglect, physical, sexual, or emotional childhood abuse
- This is an anonymous meeting. Only first names are used. What you hear today is told in confidence and should not be repeated outside this meeting.
- We ask that no one attend our meeting under the influence of alcohol or drugs, unless the medication is prescribed by a physician.
- ASCA meetings are not intended for survivors who are currently perpetrating abuse on others. Talking about past or present perpetrator type behavior is not permissible.
- Language that is considered derogatory concerning race, gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation or other minority status is unacceptable in our meeting.
- By participating in this meeting we all agree to abide by the spirit of ASCA, our guidelines and any interventions by the Co-facilitators.
Stages and Steps summary from the "Survivor to Thriver" manual:
Stage One - Remembering
1. I am in a breakthrough crisis, having gained some sense of my abuse.
2. I have determined that I was physically, sexually or emotionally abused as a child.
3. I have made a commitment to recovery from my childhood abuse.
4. I shall re-experience each set of memories as they surface in my mind.
5. I accept that I was powerless over my abusers' actions which holds THEM responsible.
6. I can respect my shame and anger as a consequence of my abuse, but shall try not to turn it against 7. myself or others.
7. I can sense my inner child whose efforts to survive now can be appreciated.
Stage Two - Mourning
8. have made an inventory of the problem areas in my adult life.
9. I have identified the parts of myself connected to self-sabotage.
10. I can control my anger and find healthy outlets for my aggression.
11. I can identify faulty beliefs and distorted perceptions in myself and others.
12. I am facing my shame and developing self-compassion.
13. I accept that I have the right to be who I want to be and live the way I want to live.
14. I am able to grieve my childhood and mourn the loss of those who failed me.
Stage Three - Healing
15. I am entitled to take the initiative to share in life's riches.
16. I am strengthening the healthy parts of myself, adding to my self-esteem.
17. I can make necessary changes in my behavior and relationships at home and work.
18. I have resolved the abuse with my offenders to the extent that is acceptable to me.
19. I hold my own meaning about the abuse that releases me from the legacy of the past.
20. I see myself as a thriver in all aspects of life - love, work, parenting, and play.
21. I am resolved in the reunion of my new self and eternal soul.
S
Art of supportive feedback
Following a volunteer's 15 minute presentation, the presenter may request supportive feedback from the meeting members. Members will have about 30 seconds each to offer supportive feedback. The presenter chooses from the people who raise their hands. The presenter may also discontinue the feedback process at any time.
As the Co-Secretary will state, only supportive feedback is permissible. Supportive comments include statements that are empathetic, nurturing, affirming, and/or validating. Supportive feedback is not a time to give a mini-share. It is an opportunity to say something supportive directly to the presenter. Also, even though a supportive comment has already been made by someone, repeating the supportive comments in one's own words is helpful for the presenter to hear again from another person. We often need to hear the same support many times before it takes root. When we support the presenter, we are also supporting each other and ourselves. We all absorb comments vicariously.
Some examples of supportive feedback:
- empathy - What you have described sounds so difficult and painful. I feel sad that you suffered all the horrible abuses.
- nurture - I feel so much admiration for you. I would have been scared in that same situation.
- affirm - I agree with you. I know myself how hard it is to try and reach out for help
- validate - What you said really resonated with me. I appreciate hearing how angry you are feeling about what happened.
A Partial List of Feelings
It is often difficult to define our feelings. We usually experience a variety of feelings in any given situation. Sometimes our feelings may even seem contradictory. When having difficulty identifying what you are feeling, a review of this partial list of feelings might enable you to associate a label or word with the particular feelings you are experiencing.
abandoned, abused, accepted, accused, admired, adventurous, affectionate, affirmed, afraid, aggressive, aggravated, agitated, alarmed, alienated, alive, alone, ambivalent, angry, annoyed, antagonistic, anticipated, anxious, apathetic, appreciated, apprehensive, approved, arrogant, ashamed, assertive, attacked, attractive, awed, awkward
balanced, beaten, belligerent, betrayed, bewildered, bitter, blamed, bored, bothered, bugged, burned up.
capable, cared for, castrated, caustic, chagrined, challenged, cheated, closed, comfortable, comforted, compassionate, competent, complacent, compromised, concerned, confident, confused, congruent, connected, consumed, contaminated, controlled, out of control, creative, cross, cruel, crushed, curious, cut off.
dead, deceived, defeated, defensive, defiant, degraded, dejected, delighted, deserving, desired, desperate, destroyed, devastated, dirty, disappointed, discontented, disgusted, disillusioned, disjointed, dismayed, distant, distorted, distracted, distressed, disturbed, dominated, domineering, drained, dread, drowning, drugged, dumb, dying.
eager, edgy, egotistic, elated, embarrassed, embraced, empty, endangered, enraged, enthused, envious, evasive, exasperated, exhilarated, exploited, explosive, exposed.
failed, failure, fat, fatigued, fearful, fighting mad, floundering, fooled, forgiven, forgotten, fouled, free, friendless, friendly, frightened, frustrated, furious.
galled, generous, genuine, gifted, gracious, grateful, gratified, greedy, grumpy, guilty.
hate. hated, hatred, healed, heavy, helpless, hopeful, hopeless, hostile, hurt, hyperactive, hypocritical.
ignored, immobilized, impatient, impotent, inadequate, indifferent, incompetent, inconsistent, in control, indecisive, independent, indignant, inferior, infuriated, inhibited, injured, insecure, irked, irritated, isolated, intense, integrated, intimate, intimidated, irrational, irritable.
jealous, joyful, judged, judgmental.
liberated, light, limited, lonely, like a loser, lost, lovable, loved, loyal.
mad, manipulated, marked, masked, masochistic, melancholic, miffed, misinformed, misunderstood.
naked, needy, neglected, noxious.
obligated, offended, optimistic, outraged, overlooked, oversized, oversexed, overwhelmed.
pain, panic, paranoid, passionate, peaceful, persecuted, perturbed, pessimistic, phony, pissed-off, playful, pleased, pleasured, possessed, possessive, powerful, powerless, precious, preoccupied, pressured, private, protective, proud, provoked, punished, purposeful, put down, put out, puzzled.
rageful, rambunctious, reassured, rejected, resentful, responsible, responsive, restrained, resurrected, revengeful, reverence, rewarded, rigid.
sacred, sad, sadistic, scapegoated, scared, secretive, secure, seductive, seething, selfish, sensual, shaky, shamed, shocked, shy, sick, sincere, sinful, smothered, soiled, sorrowful, spontaneous, spiteful, stressed, strong, stubborn, stupid. subservient, superior, supported, suspicious, sympathetic.
teed off, tender, terrified, threatened, ticked off, tired, tolerant, tolerated, traumatized, tranquil, triumphant., trusted, trusting, turned off.
ugly, unable, unappreciated, unbalanced, uncertain, understood, unfulfilled, unhappy, unique, unloved, unprepared, upset, unresponsive, unlikable, uptight, used, useful, useless.
vain, valuable, vengeful, vicious, vindicated, vindictive, violent, vulnerable.
warm, weak, weary, whole, withdrawn, wonderful, worn out, worthless, worthy.
youthful, yearning, zany, zealous.
Daily Survival Tips:
The following are some suggestions about what to do when the memories, feelings, thoughts or sensations get to be more than you think you can handle. Start with the first tip and go down the list as needed until the crisis subsides.
- Just let them happen. Don't fight them. Experience what they are.
- Write about them in your journal.
- Talk to someone you trust.
- Remember your strengths that helped you survive as a child.
- Do exercise, yoga, meditation or a relaxation exercise.
- Go to your safe place or call on your Higher Power.
- Do art - drawing, painting or collage --- to express your feelings, organize your memories and demonstrate your strength
- Call someone on the telephone support list.
- Call your therapist.
- Call a telephone hot line.
- Go to a hospital emergency room.
Closure Comment
Following the shared and prior to the announcements, meeting participants are invited to make a very brief, about 20 seconds or less comment on how they are feeling as the meeting comes to a close.
One of the Co-Facilitators will begin the closing comments process and it then proceeds in a round robin fashion. The emphasis is on briefly expressing one's feelings. It is not the time to do a mini-share. For example:
- I feel energized as we leave. I appreciate your shares or
- I feel exhausted. This is very tough work for me or
- I'm having a difficult time. I'm feeling a lot of pain and frustration or
- I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time. Thanks everyone.
Closing Statement
We have come together to face our past, united in survival, determined to rebuild our lives, by healing the pain, and transforming our shame.
We will find comfort in our safe places wherever they may be.
Feelings can be felt, memories can be recalled and sensations can be soothed.
We close our meeting now with renewed faith in our power, armed with self-knowledge, fed by our strength drawn from survival, empowered by the challenge of change, and graced with a sense of hope for what our future can be.
Founded in 1991, The Morris Center is a nonprofit, 501(c)(3) tax-exempt service organization based in San Francisco. The Morris Center's mission is to provide survivors of child abuse with economical and effective opportunities to recover from their child abuse and to assist all that seek to nurture their human spirit. The Morris Center started ASCA in 1993. Please visit the Morris Center ASCA web-site for more information and resources
Disclaimer:
ASCA is a community based support group of peers. It is not a therapy group and the meeting facilitators do not serve in the capacity of professionally trained therapists. The ASCA program should not be used as a substitute for professional care and services. The Norma J. Morris Center and your local ASCA meeting assume no responsibility for any damages, injuries or losses that occur as a result of participation in ASCA support groups. You should always consult a trained professional with any questions about your specific needs and concerns. Always know your own limitations and factor in your own good judgment and common sense. Your use of any material provided on the Morris Center or local ASCA websites or participation in ASCA support groups constitute your acceptance of the terms in this disclaimer.
