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ASCA Santa Clarita



faqs



ASCA Santa Clarita



FAQS



ASCA Santa Clarita



FAQS



Frequently Asked Questions about ASCA meetings



  1. I am not ready to talk yet. Can I just attend and listen to the other survivors share? Absolutely - yes. You can keep coming and never share if you don't want to.
  2. I am not ready to see anyone. That's ok too. You can work through the "Survivor to Thriver" manual on your own as it's designed for self-help. And if you feel you can benefit from the support of other survivors, you can do so online through the virtual ASCA groups or other online survivor forums. Please see resources section.
  3. I can come for 1 or 2 meetings but cannot commit to attending all of them consistently. Absolutely. You are welcome to come and go as you please. It is completely your decision and we are not going to pressure you either way.
  4. What is the difference between a support group vs therapy group.
    • leadership - therapy groups rely on the guidance and expertise of a trained therapist. Members look to the therapist for help, generally paying a fee for this service. The leadership, authority and expertise in support groups reside with it's participants. Members look to each other for help. Facilitators adopt their roles on a volunteer basis.
    • self-help based - therapy groups are modeled on the assumption of "illness" - participants therefore need "treatment". Support groups presume that participants are fundamentally healthy and able to help themselves and each other.
    • focus - therapy groups focus on emotional insight and growth. Support groups can shift focus as needed from sharing emotions to exchanging information to social support.
    • methodology - therapy groups focus on examining the past and looking at root causes. Support groups goal is social support and empowerment through unification and information. Sharing and self-disclosure among participants can lead to the by- product of emotional insight, change and growth.
    • support groups can be therapeutic without being therapy.
  5. How is ASCA support group different from other groups?
    • authority - decision making regarding "appropriate" problem resolutions always resides with the individual participant. We consider our collective experience as the most powerful teacher on a topic.
    • empowerment - the realization that the source of "authority" and healing resides within the participants themselves. The primary role of the facilitator is to make it easier for the participants to help each other make this discovery.
    • ASCA program is psychologically-based, different from other 12 step programs which are spiritually-based.
  6. I'm not sure if I'm a survivor, it wasn't that bad. The abuse does not have to be severe for it to have an impact on us. Unresolved childhood trauma can contaminate our adult lives in the following ways (excerpt from John Bradshaw's "Homecoming" Reclaiming and championing your inner child"). Also read the early chapters in the ASCA "Survivor to Thriver" manual.
    • Co-dependence .... loss of identity - out of touch with our feelings, needs and desires
    • Offender Behaviors ... violent, cruel or abusive behavior towards others
    • Narcissistic Disorders ...insatiable craving for love, attention and affection (sex/love addictions)
    • Trust Issues ...always on guard and in control leading to control addictions
    • Acting Out/Acting In Behaviors ... reenacting childhood trauma on others or on ourselves.
    • Magical Beliefs ... if I have money I'll be ok, if my lover leaves me I will die, waiting for the right man, searching endlessly for the right woman
    • Intimacy Dysfunctions ... fear of abandonment and/or fear of engulfment
    • Non-disciplined Behaviors ... dawdles, procrastinates, rebels, self-willed, stubborn, poor impulse control, rigid, obsessive, overly controlled, obedient, people pleasing, ravished with shame/guilt.
    • Addictive/Compulsive Behaviors ... constant state of craving, insatiable neediness. alcoholism, drug addictions, activity addictions - work, shopping, gambling, sex, eating, religious rituals. Cognitive addictions - thinking obsessions. Feelings addictions - rage, fear, sadness/grief, joy. Object addictions - money, cars, houses, jewelry etc
    • Thought Distortions ... absolute - all or nothing thinking, nonlogical - emotional reasoning, egocentric - personalizing everything, awfulizing - abstract hypotheses about the future, compulsive perfectionism
    • Emptiness (apathy, depression) ... a hole in one's soul, low grade chronic depression, life is dull and meaningless, loneliness, suicidal, self-absorbed with our pain
  7. I'm not sure I am a survivor - I cannot remember the abuse because I was still a toddler when it happened. John Bradshaw's book "Homecoming - reclaiming and championing your inner child" has a good questionnaire that can help you determine if you have repercussions from your childhood trauma. see section 6 above for possible symptoms of childhood trauma.
  8. What is cross-talk? Cross-talk is when a participant may refer to another's share with a comment like "I was really inspired by how you took action ....". This may seem natural, empathetic and harmless. So how can cross-talk threaten group safety? Referring to another person in the group can trigger feelings between participants - intentionally or unintentionally which they cannot easily resolve during the meeting. The person referred to may feel misunderstood or misrepresented. Someone not referred to may feel overlooked. Other participants may feel anxious about that kind of remarks may be directed toward them after they share their "most vulnerable secrets". There is no format in the meeting to handle this kind of emotional response between participants. Left without a means of clarification, these emotional responses may cause people to avoid the meeting. That is why cross-talk threatens the safety of the group as a whole.
  9. What are some examples of supportive feedback?
    • empathy - What you have described must have been difficult and painful for you. I feel sad that you had to go through all that junk.
    • nurture - I feel so much admiration for you. I would have been scared in that same situation.
    • affirm - I agree with you. . I know myself how hard it is to try and reach out for help
    • validate - What you said really resonated with me. I appreciate hearing how angry you are feeling about what happened.
  10. What are the statistics of adult survivors of child abuse? There are currently no statistics for adult survivors of child abuse, however, there are 39 million survivors of sexual abuse in America. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys WILL BE sexually molested before they are 18 years old -- which means 1 in 5 of America's youth, or 20% of the population !! We can assume that this number will be higher for physical and emotional abuse. More statistics from various sources on child abuse. http://naasca.org/010111-Recovery.htm http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/stats.htm#Links http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics#gen-stats
  11. I would like to participate in the shares but don't know how to start. From the co-facilitator training manuals - ASCA Speaker and Share Guidelines. Whatever you find has been particularly helpful in your recovery may be just the message that someone else finds helpful too. Shares are most effective when you speak about yourself. If you need to reference someone else, try to focus on the impact that the other person had on you. You are the person we care most about hearing from. Whatever you decide to share, please present it in a way that people can hear it and understand it. If what you are saying stirs up strong feelings, try to put those feelings into words rather than expressing them by shouting, acting out, or using inflammatory or abusive language. Remember that ASCA meetings need to be a safe place for survivors. ASCA's strength is the unshakable conviction that we can and will recover, if we work the steps. The following are some ideas on what you might consider sharing.
    • How you work the step. What you do when you need some hope to go forward in working that particular step.
    • Your success stories and strategies related to this step.
    • Problems you are facing as an adult that connect to this step.
    • How you nurture your inner child and deal with your feelings about the step.
    • Recovery strategies to deal with shame, self-doubt, and self- sabotage about being able to work this step.
  12. What is the difference between the long share (15 mins) instead of the shorter tag shares? The long share provides the speaker with the opportunity to receive supportive feedback from the group. Long shares are only done for Rotation B or Rotation C meetings. Tag shares are shorter and there is no feedback provided. There are numerous benefits in volunteering to be the long share speaker
    • opportunity to delve into a particulate aspect of our recovery and to enjoy, even luxuriate in some positive feedback from a caring and supportive community.
    • preparing our opening 15 minute share can enhance the rewards we reap in terms of insights gained and emotions released.
  13. How do I get training to be a co-facilitator at the support group meetings? read the co-facilitator training manual which is available free online at http://ascasupport.org/. After you have read the manual, sign-up for the 2 virtual training sessions offered free by the Morris Center which are usually held on consecutive Saturdays 3-4 times a year (email infoascasupport@gmail.com).
  14. I live too far away to attend a meeting. Can I call in via phone and participate?
    • safety and security is of primary concern for our survivors. And so we do not allow participation via phone. This is because we cannot ensure that the person on the other side of the phone is who they say they are, that there are no other people listening in on the shares, or that no one is recording us.
    • join the virtual ASCA meetings (http://ascasupport.org/events.php)
    • work through your healing and recovery with the "Survivor to Thriver" manual as it is designed to be a self-help program.
    • consider starting a support group in your local area. The training and information for starting your own group is available online at http://ascasupport.org/manual.php
  15. The meeting topic is on Step x from the "Survivor to Thriver" manual but I am not on this step yet. Am I allowed to come to this meeting?
    • of course you are welcome to come to this meeting.
    • it is great to benefit from the 'reading ahead concept'. and hearing how other survivors are working with a particular step.
    • healing and recovery is not linear. It may leap-frog around, revisiting previous steps but at a much deeper level or jumping ahead. You might get some new insights or inspiration when listening to shares which may lead you to another step.
    • it's perfectly OK not to share if you don't feel like it or don't think you are ready. If you want to share about something else that is off-topic, that's OK too. It's also OK to share your feelings about how a particular step is affecting you eg: triggering, scary, confusing, not applicable etc.
  16. I keep wanting to share but I just don't know where to start. There is so much going on in my head it's impossible to begin.
    • it's perfectly ok not to share if you do not wish to. that is also an important part of healing, to learn to listen to your feelings and to honor them especially if you were forced to 'speak' on demand by your abuser(s).
    • it's also ok just to share that "you don't even know where to start" and state your feelings eg: that you feel numb/panicked/discombobulated/disconnected/broken/ etc. Part of sharing is just learning how to express your feelings at the moment, something which many survivors were never allowed to do as a child.
  17. Is there a men's only group or is there a woman's only group? I get triggered by the opposite sex (or it could be same sex depending on the sex of the abuser(s)).
    • ASCA support groups are co-ed. Sometimes depending on who turns up, it could be all women, or all men except for the co- facilitator who is female. There is a monthly men's only ASCA survivor meeting on Wednesdays (http://ascasupport.org/events.php)
    • Some survivors were triggered by members of the opposite sex when they first started attending our support group. Over time, the presence of the opposite sex and their continued support has helped heal this trigger for the survivor(s).
    • Enlist the support of the co-facilitator as there are many creative ways to help ease the anxiety and facilitate healing.
    • There is a virtual monthly men's ASCA group on 1st Wednesdays - details http://ascasupport.org/events.php
  18. I am afraid that what I want to share is going to scare everyone and/or trigger them.
    • survivors have found solace in that they are able to share very difficult material and have found our survivors supportive listening, to be healing and therapeutic. This helps break the silence of the 'secret' and facilitates the beginning of healing and recovery.
    • you can also ask the group first if you wish to share something that you think may be very triggering. Everyone has always said yes because we all want to support each other. Even when it has been difficult, we have found our inner strength in being present, as witness and supportive listeners to each other's experiences.
    • the support group is your safe place, everyone in the room is another survivor. Many will relate to your experiences, are able to understand and empathize with your challenges and fears as they are either currently going through it or have found a way to heal and resolve the challenges.
    • the only share restrictions are: not to talk about past or present perpetrator-type behavior, or use language that is considered derogatory concerning race, gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation or other minority status.
  19. What if I have a panic-attack at a meeting?
    • we have a pre-arranged signal so that if you feel you need to leave the room because the anxiety level is too overwhelming or you feel a panic-attack approaching, one of the co-facilitators will step out of the room with you and will support you with your processing.
    • in virtual meetings, please notify the co-facilitator via chat and we can provide a break-out room for you and have a co-facilitator or volunteer support you in the break-out room.
  20. I am afraid to come by myself. Can I bring my partner/spouse/family/friend?​
    • no. Only adults survivors of child abuse who are not currently perpetrating abuse of others can attend our meetings. Healing cannot begin unless survivors feel safe so having others in the room who are not survivors would be unsafe for other members.
    • if your partner/spouse/family/friend is also a survivor of child abuse, they are most welcome to attend and to focus their shares on themselves. They will need to be mindful of the no cross-talk rule and cannot refer to you or share about anything that involves you.
  21. Peer (telephone) support FAQs and Tips​




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ascasantaclarita@yahoo.com


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